To combat my constant reluctancy to share, I share this...
Because I am afraid I will upset someone I love
Word after word
Line after line
Page after page
All I write about is the people I love.
The people who raised me. The people who raised my soul. The people I meet on the street. Even the people I sometimes want to shake and scream "pay attention!"
Regardless, I love them. They are human.
I write letters I'll never send.
Dear Mom, Why don't you listen? Stop putting so much pressure on me. Ask me something other than "what did you get on your test?"
Dear Dad, Sometimes I hate you. I hate the things you did to my mom. to me. I don't want to hate you. But when you missed my dance recital, and my solo in the school play, and my sixteenth birthday. It becomes kind of easy. You should probably change.
I have conversations with myself.
That one time last year when you spent a day in the ER. It wasn't a parasite was it? You stopped eating. Well I still ate sometimes...I did go to El Salvador and drink bad water. It's possible right?
I just want to be happy.
Do they really think I can't hear them screaming upstairs?
I write little notes to my friends.
Anthony, you broke my heart.
Tracy, pick up all of your crap.
Mary, I'm sorry I still haven't told you about my parents.
All these words I write. I do not share.
I hold my problems inside. We all know that.
But to say what I want to the ones I love.
Will they still love me?
Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteThis is such an incredibly courageous thing to do. I empathize with you on many levels. We should get coffee sometime. <3
We are all supportive here, and what you have shared can be so difficult. Writing and sharing can be a way of releasing parts of ourselves out into the world. And we may ultimately feel lighter and freer the more we shed of our burdens this way. Thank you for sharing - you are an inspiration to us all!
With peace, love, and joy,
Priya