I am afraid to create...

This came from a prompt all the way back on October 11th, but it came nonetheless.

I am afraid to create…

Because I will hurt someone I love.

Because my words will undo a thousand thank yous and leave a thousand more left unsaid.

Because my words on a page, closed in a notebook and hidden in a drawer preserve some small amount of decorum and civility in my life.

Because the ink of my head and my heart will not cease to flow as easily as my blue Papermate pen.

Because I am afraid they will be disappointed once they hear what I have to say.

And yet I must. I must create and write and share…

Because this fake smile from the fishhooks in each cheek pulling them up and outward no longer suits my face.

Because I refuse to be the only one noticing the darkening under my eyes-the half moons indicative of leftover eyeliner and mascara and the endless nights I am awake well into the morning.

Because I have 20 years of mismatching my face and my emotions to undo.

Because the voice bubbling to the surface is one which I have ignored and suppressed for far too long.

Because now I can actually love someone I love.