I’ve had two encounters with old acquaintances these past few days that have set me to thinking about old habits dying hard, and how we are often defined by such habits. In both cases, I could have predicted the responses of the other parties involved, even down to the language they used. In both cases, I judge that the behavior is not in the best interest of the other parties, but in neither case have I been surprised by the positions that they’ve taken.
OK, I suppose I could tell the stories, and they might elicit a modicum of interest. What really interests me, though, is the question of what habits are so ingrained in me as to pre-ordain my behavior, even in ways contrary to my own and others’ best interests. Not so simple to see, reminiscent of the New Testament quote about spotting the splinter in the other’s eye and missing the log in one’s own.
Do I really want to know? Can I make any headway toward eliminating the destructive behaviors without really understanding the deeply-ingrained habits? Can I stand the pain and humiliation of that sort of self-knowledge? Surely I can. Certainly I am a “big enough boy” to handle this. Of course I can do it.
OK, let’s get started. How should I begin? Should I conduct a scientific survey among the people who know me really well? Or is that really necessary? After all, I spotted this type of behavior in people who I haven’t seen or spoken with in several years. So, maybe I can expand the scope of my survey to include people who don’t have as much to lose by pointing out my destructive tendencies.
That doesn’t have much appeal, frankly, but here’s an idea. Maybe this is what meditation and reflection are all about. Gee, you think? Maybe I could get to know myself better without putting other people on the spot or risking friendships or love relationships. You think? Hard work. Nice work if you can get it, as they say. Oh, well…..
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