Boo on Cigarettes

First, you hear a sound; almost a light chduu chduu chduu. The sound has a nice rhythm to it; A-A-A. You recognize the rhythm. Maybe you start salivating. You are stuffed, after all, from that bacon-cheeseburger, fries, and large orange soda. You search for the source of the sound reverberating in your ear. You notice some movement near your hand.  Your hand seems to be moving with the beat of the chduu chduu chduu. Chduu chduu chduu-- cigarettes! You are already packing them and did not notice. Take the cellophane seal off. Open the box. Tear out the front carbon paper. Flip your lucky. Take your cigarette from the pack, like a savior. A cure all. Raise the cigarette to your lips; the filter made of 95 percent cellulose acetate, the paper around the filter, the rolling paper, and the tobacco blend. It's pristine white brings a smirk to your face.
    Click the Bic. Light the cigarette. Satisfaction.
    Breath in. Breath it all in. Ammonia. Carbon Dioxide. Glycerol; a chemical used to create nitroglycerin. Feel the smoky concoction inflate your lungs like a virus overtaking a healthy cell. Sodium chloride. Heptanoic acid. Geraniol; a mosquito repellent for plants.  Now, the smoke seeps into your blood stream. This is an invasion! Magnesium carbonate. Vinegar. Farnesol; a natural pesticide. Taste the black tar roll across your tongue with the chemical cloud. Breath in. Breath it all in. Feel the nicotine and the other 590 chemical vermin stain your pearly whites.
    Exhale. Ahhhhh! Satisfaction.
    Oh, don't forget to cough! COUGH! ( Maybe a lung will come up soon enough!)
     Smile. You love it. You want another.

    So, now you want to quit cigarettes. You think it is a nasty habit. Maybe, you would like to  run the stairs like Rocky and not keel over at the top. Whichever reason it may be, the choice is a grand one. Quitting cigarette smoking is a lifestyle choice. You must learn to live again in a cigarette free reality. And, yes it is very difficult. Depending on the amount of time you have treated yourself to a marvelous after dinner puff, the harder the challenge. It can be done, though!
    Breath in. Relax. Allow yourself time to think about life in a cigarette free reality. Let's begin. It's best to go through a regular daily routine. Change your head. You must relearn everything you do with a cigarette and do it without.
            
    The first time I took the plunge into this new shaky reality, I thought it would be a breeze. Cold turkey. I'm a real man. Will power is all I need. I woke up and began my day. I had no sudden urge for that calming toxin. I made it through the day fairly easily. If the urge showed itself, I took 4 deep breaths in, held for 8 seconds, and released through my mouth for 7. It worked. I made it to day sixteen this way. Breath in. Relax. Let go.
    The trouble began during a train trip to Madison last fall. If you are a reformed smoker, you know the trouble in smoke free travel. The train was late. The train was crowded. The train was loud. The train was slow. I grew agitated. Two of my travelling companions stepped off the train for a smoke at one stop. I went along thinking the sight of someone else enjoying the smooth flavor of nicotine calming their nerves would ease my mind. I was wrong.
    I stepped back on the train. It grew louder. The quick drive to Chicago became an eleven hour slow ride. The space I was in was shrinking around me. I could not calm myself. I could not center myself. My breathing exercise was overwhelmed by the obnoxious children screaming into my ear. Drip drip drip. Water from the bathroom sink directly in front of me was leaking from the sink. Flush. Every noise from the bathroom for all eleven hours reverberated in my ears. Flush. Rinse. Slam. Flush. Rinse. Slam.

    The bug hits hard to the head. At first it is a light warming sensation behind the eyes. As it progresses, your entire head seems to swell, then heat up. You grow agitated, twitchy, and irritable. You need it. You think you need it. This is a lifestyle change after all. Ammonia, glycerol, carbon monoxide, I want it all! My fingers begin rolling. I can't bear to stop moving. I pick up on everything going on around me; my senses are amplified. I hear the conductors whispering behind closed doors, a mother asking her child to stop the screaming, an elderly man snoring with a whistle in his nose. I see the trees, fields, cows rush by in a blur. I smell a rank odor fuming from the slightly open bathroom door and grease from the snack car. I feel gum and sweat molding to my shoes and germs crawling across my skin from this unkempt environment. I taste a cigarette in my mouth. Oh, the sweet sensation of tobacco bringing a smile to my life. Breath in. Relax. Let go. This is a lifestyle change. But, I'm going to die anyway, I reason.
    Stop. No. Don't.
    I take a cigarette into my fingers. Not to smoke, no, just to hold. I figure, if I spin it, I can trick myself into thinking I have smoked one. It's been almost seventeen days. I don't need nicotine. I wish I could just relax. This trip should not take this long. I spin the cigarette faster between my fingers. The train seems to move ahead quicker.
    I don't need a cigarette. That kid needs to STOP screaming. That old man needs a nose plug. My head throbs with the bug and the blur. My feet are stuck now! My blood is boiling. Are we there yet?! I hope we get there soon enough. I can taste the cigarette on my lips. Magnesium carbonate, sodium chloride, menthol! I taste the menthol. The train is slowing. My teeth are grinding. I'm shaking with anticipation. My traveling companions must think I'm a nut or a dope fiend. This is only nicotine.
    The train stops. I scurry for my bag, a lighter, and the nearest exit. Ahhhh! Fresh air. Click. Breath in. Breath it all in. Satisfaction. Shame. I shouldn't be smoking. I love it. I want another.
    “Boo on cigarettes.”