I Have Two Mentors by Jerry King

I have two mentors, maybe role models is a better word. They are both old men—both 83, in fact. Both are afflicted with a major illness—one with Parkinson’s, the other with emphysema and cancer. Neither complains. Both are happy with their lives, in very different ways, despite very difficult and life-changing episodes.

Ed Browning is the retired Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in the U.S. He served for 12 years—I believe the last Presiding Bishop to serve that long, as the Church realized that it was taking such a toll on its best people during the modern era. During his tenure, he championed the ordination of gay men and women; the consecration of women bishops; and the role of his Church in opposition to Reagan’s support of the contras and Bush I’s entrance into the Gulf War. And he did so at great cost. The conservatives in his Church reviled him. They made his life miserable whenever possible, and when they saw a unique opportunity to make him suffer toward the end of his tenure. They took full advantage.

One of Ed’s great gifts is his gentleness and willingness to forgive. The other side of that gift, as is often the case, is also a great weakness, the willingness to trust in others beyond a reasonable point. And so, Ed trusted too much in an employee who he had brought in as the Chief Financial Officer of the Church. By the time her transgressions were uncovered, she had embezzled $2MM from the Church treasury. When this came to light, Ed’s opponents pounced, and they were vicious. And Ed still has not recovered, emotionally or physically, from the verbal abuse that he suffered. But despite his travail, Ed carries on his life with the greatest of good will and bears his physical and mental travails without complaint. 

When Ed retired from the Presiding Bishop position, he and his extraordinary spouse Patti purchased a home outside of Hood River, Oregon with a horse pasture, an acre of blueberry bushes, a grove of old-growth fir trees that shelter the house from the north winds, and a spectacular view of Mount Hood. For a dozen years now, he and Patti have presided over this wonderful slice of God’s earth with humility and gratitude. They share their bounty with their family, friends, associates and a basketful of animals. The annual proceeds from sale of the pick-your-own, honor-system blueberries go to Sabeel, an organization dedicated to justice for Palestinians and the effort to promote peace between Israel and the Palestinian people. And Ed’s care for his old dogs and even older horses reflects his tender care for all of God’s world and her creatures.

He truly is a man for all seasons; a man of faith, hope and courage beyond measure, and a lover of life and people. One of my two best role models.

Then there is Tom Mullen, Catholic ex-priest, sexual-abuse-victim turned counselor to other abuse survivors and story teller extraordinary. I first encountered Tom in the back pew at St. Cronan’s Church, the home of disaffected Catholics from around the St. Louis diocese, in 1990. Several years later, at a Mens’ Retreat for members of the parish, Tom revealed his abuse to his fellow retreatants. Tom had lived with his memories of that horrible experience for 50 years without sharing it with anyone except his beautiful wife Henrietta, but encouraged by the trust among the men in that group, he shared his story in front of a roaring fire on that memorable Saturday night, and thereby changed the retreat, and by extension the life of the parish, forever.

As the impact of Tom’s sharing rippled outward from that evening, the effect on Tom himself was even more remarkable than on the rest of us. He became more open to the suffering of others, and more forgiving to perpetrators, even the man who had raped him so violently those many years before. Eventually, Tom confronted his abuser, called him to acknowledge his sin, and forgave him. In doing so, he freed us all from the fear and loathing associated with that awful crime. And freed himself to be support and counsel to other victims, and to be a public voice, in letters to the editor as well as letters to Church officials, against the hypocrisy and abuse of power promulgated by the bishops.

If that were Tom’s only contribution to my life, it would be more than enough. But he is much, much more. As a lover of stories, I revel in Tom’s gift of merriment and folksy wisdom through his stories. His curiosity about the world of religion, faith and the life of the Spirit is unbounded. Often, his missives to me on Church affairs are qualified by his opening statement, “I know you don’t care, Jerry, but …..”. And the fact is, I do care, at least I care when Tom is the storyteller or the conveyor of a particular fact or happening that affects his beloved Holy Mother.

As with Ed, Tom is made whole by his remarkable partner, Henny. Their stories of meeting when Tom was still wearing the collar and Henny was a “secretary” at the Chancery office are both hilarious and blessed. And now Henny protects Tom in his physically-reduced state, racked by lung problems that were serious even before the cancer was diagnosed. But the two of them still laugh amidst the fears and tears, and Marty and I feel privileged to be a part of their lives, and guests in their living room.

I ask not much more than, “Lord, if you’re there and listening, can you help me be a little more like Ed and Tom. They are my patron saints, the ones who guide me as I grow older. Keep them with us as long as they are still able to cherish and laugh, as long as they continue to meet each day with the gift of joy that they bring to us all.  “