"Where's God in this?"

Hello friends--

I know this post is long, but please please stick it out until the end! I just had a lot to say and couldn't do it without making it a little longer.

So, as some of you may remember, in class this past Wednesday as we discussed The Book of Mev, the chapters about God and prayer seemed to dominate the conversation. Toward the end of class, Mark began talking about one of the chapters and why the woman seemed confused about her religion. He then went on to talk about when things in life get a little bit rough, where is God?

Sometimes in life we face hardships. We face loss of loved ones, health situations, and other things along those lines. Some of it may be trivial, and some of it not so much. And sometimes, really terrible things happen to really good people. In situations like that, Christian or not, I think it's very easy to blame God. In hard situations we get angry and ask him, "Why this person," or "Why now," or, you fill in the blank.

This may not apply to some of you; I don't know everyone's personal beliefs, but I hope it speaks to at least someone.

So, what happens when things don't go our way? Is God to blame? Is He with us, as it teaches us in scripture? Or, in other words, "Where's God in this?"

The answer that I have found it yes; He is with us in all things. Every time we feel pain, He is with us. And He has experienced it, too. To prove this, I bring up Jesus, who was God in the flesh. Jesus came to earth as a man to save the world from sin. He was to be crucified, and while on the cross after being beaten and mocked, He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). 

Now to me, this seems strange. Jesus, who was God in the flesh, who lived a perfect, sinless life and was crucified as though he was a sinner and a criminal would ask where God was in his pain and suffering. 

I think all too often when christians question God and ask “why?” they also begin to doubt their own faith and think that maybe they are wrong. I mean, we’re supposed to trust God in all things, right? That’s what we’re taught, isn't it? But I think it’s overlooked that by questioning and doubting and crying out it shows that you still have hope in His promises. In John 16:33, Jesus says “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 

See, Jesus promises us that we will face trials. So when we ask questions and say “Father, why have you forsaken me,” it isn't a question that shows a lack of faith, it’s a way of asking God to draw near to you. Lack of faith would be giving up. It proves that you have no hope if you no longer ask questions; if you just walk away. Losing hope doesn't cause you to cry out to God and ask him where he is in your time of need. Picture a relationship. In marriage counseling, they teach you that it is a good thing to argue, because it shows that the marriage really is over when neither party has anything to say and they just say “I’m done” and give up and don't want answers. The same thing holds true in a relationship with Jesus. If you are seeking out, even in times of trouble, answers and reasons, it shows that you haven't yet given up.

Colossians 1:17 says, “He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." So, when things feel like they are falling apart, it is our job to remember that God is in control and it is His job to take care of the rest. We can't always see the bigger picture, but He has a plan for us. John 13:7 says, “Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.’”

So yeah, sometimes really terrible things happen, and oftentimes those really terrible things happen to really good people. But God is with us and He is for us. And when we do cry out as Jesus did in anguish and ask God, “where are you,” we need to remember that He has a plan. Romans 8:18 says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” 

Asking questions is not a bad thing. Looking to God to see where he is, is not unhealthy. It shows that you have hope in Him, and just because you don’t understand your present suffering, you can take heart in the fact that He loves you unconditionally and that He will take care of you. I hope that this brings a new light to anyone going through a situation in which they are feeling this way. Thanks for reading!

Paige

The "N" Word

Sometimes people will ask me why it bothers me so much when white people use the “N” word. To be quite honest, I could go on for hours about the subject of why my fellow crackers rub me the wrong way when they chose to do so, but I will try to condense my arguments and feelings down into a short explanation.

Before I begin, my biggest question is why? Why do white people want to say that word so badly? Where is this desire stemming from? Is it to fit in or be cool? Is it because they are ignorant to the evil history of the word itself? Is it coming from their ingrained hatred of black people? Why?

The word originated to label black people, coming from the latin term “niger”, meaning black, which evolved into the noun “negro” meaning black person in english, also meaning black in spanish and portuguese. At first, it was simply a noun, and was without connotations. But as American history progressed and the hatred of black people became more ingrained in our rising society, the word became more of an insult and became demeaning. For hundreds of years, black slaves were raped, tortured, beaten, abused, exploited, and murdered all while being called that name. Even when slavery was abolished, the word was continuously used by the white supremacist society to oppress African Americans and keep them in their place; below white citizens.

In this day and age, the word is still used frequently by not only white people, but by black people as well. Because black people have reclaimed the word for themselves, a large majority of the white population has taken this as an invitation to use it as well. This is not what should be happening. White Americans just can’t seem to grasp the idea that it’s not “just a word”, it has dangerous history attached to it. As a white person, I am in no position to tell black people what they can and cannot say, but I will say that white people should never even have the inclination to say the word at all. You shouldn’t say “what’s up my n****?” to your friends, especially your black friends, because no, they are not “your n****”. Haven’t people of African descent in America been referred to as “my n****” too often by white people in the past 400 years? Haven’t the actions of your pasty white forefathers soiled that word for you? Just keep this in mind next time you feel the urge to use it, even if you are just trying to sing along to a rap song. Don’t use a word that can never be yours again.

Tunnel of Consciousness

One of the topics of our notebooks was to reflect on the Tunnel of Consciousness and say how one can take action to change these injustices. I just wanted to share what I had written as a simple way to begin to combat these problems around us.
1. Be aware.
I think all too often we walk around in our own little world. We are preoccupied with our own thoughts and feelings to really see and understand our surroundings.It may even be that we're too bust looking down at our cell phones or iPads to see the social injustices that take place right here on campus. No change will be made if we first aren't aware of the problem.
2. Seeing things from others point of view
In order to deal with social injustices we must see things from others point of view. We may not agree with their way or we may not want that for ourselves, but we must try to understand others. For example, one of the exhibits was all about religious oppression. You may not believe the same thing as another individual, but that doesn't give you the right to harm them. In addition, it may be hard for you to understand an individual who changes gender. Instead of instantly judging or rejecting them, take a second to see if from their point of view. They can't help that they feel this way.
3. Be Accepting
I'm sure we have all know of a time we have seen someone be rejected or have been rejected ourselves. Especially with bullying, it can be hard to be a bystander and take action. We may be scared that we will get made fun of or we may be scared of the bullying attacking us too, verbally or physically. However, being a passive bystander will never result in change. We must stand up to those doing wrong and take action. Also, befriend the rejected. Get to know those who may be "different." Be accepting.

The Holidays

     I woke up this morning and for some reason I had the upcoming holidays on my mind; Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years day. Oh and I guess for some Black friday ;). Today I just feel like writing about my favorite parts of the holidays to me.
     First, Ill start off with Thanksgiving. For my family we keep this holiday relativly small and simple. The day typically consist of my parents, siblings and I, and our grandparents. My mother wakes up at about three thirty in the morning just to start cooking all of the delicious foods for the day. Turkey, sweet patotoes, stuffing, pumkin pie... ahhh i can just imagine all the glorious smells. When it is time for lunch we all gather around the kitchen and have a prayer before we eat. Most importantly, before we are all allowed to dig in, we must go around the room and say at least one thing that we are thankful for. We will always keep this tradition because it allows us to know the true meaning of why we come together that day.
     Next, my all time favorite holiday, Christmas. Christmas for my family is a blast, but we also make sure we know and elebrate the true meaning of it, which is the birth of Jesus Christ. For Christmas, my whole family comes over. Aunts, uncles, cousins... everyone. It is a riot! We all get one gift from someone else, e.g. i give my cousin a gift while I recieve one gift from my Uncle and so on and so forth. Laughter fills the air no stop. As it get closer to evening and people start to head back home, we bust out the board games. Those who have stayed usually all participate. We play these games usually close to midnight. We laugh, joke, eat, and simply enjoy each others presence all night until it is finnaly time to call it quits. I love these moments.
     Finally, New Years. With finger foods surrounding the party(usually thrown at my house), I dig in. We laugh and have fun. We watch tv and play games with he family. We stay up to midnight and start the year off right by being happy. We make new years resouloutions and hope to stick to them. It always seems at New Years I look back on how fast the year has went by and it always seems to happen in the blink of an eye. I look foward to these coming holidays.

Flowers Bloomed

this

morning

before

sunrise

flowers

bloomed

purple

and red

yellow

and blue

blossoms

of inspiration

rooted

in truth

               As many of you have heard, last week our campus lost someone very, very special. Isaiah Saucillo was “the needle that threaded our campus together”. He participated in PAWPRINT, the rugby team, the cheerleading team, and worked on campus. I didn’t know Isaiah too well. I mean, he was my partner (we were both on the cheer team) at camp this summer and for the beginning of the school year, and I always saw him. Every. Single. Day. I would see him at practice, around campus (usually saying hi to strangers, or holding a door open for someone), or I would see him on the rugby field playing his heart out.

At camp this summer, Isaiah was my partner. I have been cheering my whole life basically, and this was his very first day of cheerleading. EVER. The camp was 8 hours and he dropped me a lot. He kept getting so discouraged, feeling like he was constantly letting me down. Don’t get me wrong, I was frustrated. I just wanted to do cool things and instead I was struggling doing intermediate skills (how selfish of me). But what kept me going was his “keep going” attitude. He didn’t want to stop until he achieved the skill we were trying to achieve. At the end of the camp we finally did, and the smile on his face was priceless.

Isaiah came up to me after that camp and said, “Kristi, I know I let you down today, but I’m going to push to get better. I’ll be better next time.” From that moment on I realized Isaiah was not only a hard worker. He was special.

A few weeks into the semester, I got switched to a different partner. After this, I hardly spoke to Isaiah anymore. He was progressing each practice though. Along with progressing, he was starting to recognize his role on the team (something very imperative for a team to succeed). His role was to make others laugh even when they didn’t want to. He was great at it. Anytime I would start to get frustrated, I would look over at him and see him dancing, or wearing a towel on his head (don’t ask why he did it, I guess he had a towel fetish).

Although it sounds like I knew Isaiah pretty well, I truly didn’t. I didn’t know Isaiah at all.

Isaiah was only 19 (same age as most of us) when he decided to take his own life. I’m not saying I could have stopped him. But what I am saying, is that I COULD have gotten to know him. I could have possibly gotten close to him. I could have made an impact on him.

My challenge to you all is to get to know people. And I mean truly get to know them. Ask others how they’re REALLY doing. You never know when someone will be taken from this world, and  I promise you that you don't want to spend the rest of you life thinking  "I could have".

Care about others deeply. Live your life in such a way that shows others how special they are.

That’s how Isaiah lived.

On Being Grateful

Lately I have been feeling as though things aren’t going well, feelings of discontent and irritation. But when I think about my “problems,” it becomes apparent that the issues that I deal with on a daily basis are small in comparison to what they could be.

For instance, I went to the dentist today and was told that I have four cavities, despite me flossing, using mouth wash, and brushing my teeth twice every day. My initial reaction was a mix between irritation and disappointment. After all the trouble I go through to take care of my teeth, I still have four cavities? I have to deal with painful shots and a numb mouth? This is going to ruin my day…

But what if I wasn’t able to see a dentist at all? What if I couldn’t afford to get dental care? I am fortunate to be able to go to the dentist to fix my teeth; I should be grateful that my cavities are going to be filled.

Another example is school work. I feel as though I am constantly chained to my school work: I just can’t seem to get away from it. Math and reading and writing and more reading. I am so sick of homework; it’s consuming my life and making me feel miserable…

But what if I couldn’t afford an education in the first place? What if I had to work ten hours a day on some physical labor job that barely paid me any money? I should be grateful that I am able to get an education from a university.

Notice that I have said “should be grateful.” It is so hard to realize how fortunate you are when you haven’t experienced the lack of something. Despite realizing that I “should” be grateful for, I find it impossible to truly be grateful for it.

Yes, I can walk, but I have never experienced not being able to walk. Yes, I have a running water, but I have never experienced not having running water. Yes, I have food, but I have never experienced true starvation.

So what am I to do? How can I look past my trivial problems and see how fortunate I am?

I would love to hear what all of you have to say about this topic. Do any of you feel the same way I do? Are there any strategies you have for seeing the positive things in life?

Just Thoughts

Within these past couple of weekends I have been going back to my home town, about an hour south from Maryville, to see my family. Although I do love college, I have came to realize that I love living in a small town more than I do up here in the city. I also miss my family more than I expected. 

I have been trying to go back home as much as possible before wrestling season starts because I know that my schedule will be packed when it arrives here. When I go back home for the weekends I get a sense of relief and happiness. I get to see my parents and my mentally handicap sister, who I love unconditionally. 

What I enjoy doing the most on weekends is bow hunting. I have gone every time I go back home. Last weekend, as i was getting out of my stand to had back to he house, I spooked two deer. I was extremely aggravated that I ha done it, but I also accepted the fact that it is what it is. 

During evenings I like to watch movies with my Mom and Step-Dad. It brought back all sorts of memories. From my whole family squirming into the living room while eating popcorn and ice cream just to watch Disney Channel's original movies on Friday nights. These were some of the happiest times, so going back home I get to kind of "re-live" these moments.

This coming weekend may be my last weeknd home for a while, as season is starting today. So Im going to try and make the most of it and I am aslo very excited that my brother will be home this weekend as well, as he and my other siblings are at Mizzou this year. 

I also miss my siblings a lot, although I thought I would never say that. They just make life more interesting and enjoyable. It seems like when I am around them I always have someone to do something with, someone to talk to, or even just someone in the same room as me makes me feel more myself. I guess some might say I have a little bit of loneliness in me, but not much. I think i just really miss them. I cant wait for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year because we will all be reunited and these hollidays are typicall the ones we all enjoy. 

What’s on My Mind …

for Wendy Lee

How to relax
How to listen to Gould’s recording of Bach’s Toccata in D Major
How to observe like David Grossman
How to stay open amid any outbreaks of intransigence

How to make eye contact
How to read minds
How to not take this all so seriously
How to write down what flashes in my mind

How to scribble and plot mindful mischief
How to see each of these students as future bodhisattvas
How to wake up to periwinkle
How to offer gratitude for four pages of hand-written inspiration, love, and wisdom  from Shanghai

How to now with the Tao
How to not be a teacher
How to be learner with Beginner’s Mind
How to ask for help on Instagram

How to notice who needs help
How to notice the light coming in through the blinds
How to assume that someone in this room is terribly homesick
How to sense that someone else is nervous, grieving, feeling perpetually behind

How to see this present moment as a  moment full of marvels
How to breathe in and out and smile like Chris Wallach
How to let go of last month’s tsuris
How to be here now

Music as an Outlet for Social Justice

Last Tuesday I went to a concert at UMCL with the theme of “Composers for Social Justice.”

The focal point of the night was the premiere of Barbara Harbach’s “Symphony for Ferguson” (perhaps at UMCL because of its proximity to Ferguson)

Barbara Harbach said that writing this symphony was her way of dealing with the Ferguson tragedy: a way to put thoughts and feelings into creativity for peace and healing.

The piece is divided into three movements: Heroes, The Fallen, and Together in Harmony.

Heroes portrays all the men and women who came forward to help during the time of crisis.

The Fallen memorializes all those who lost their lives.

Together in Harmony is a wish for hope and peace, and I especially enjoyed this movement because the orchestra joins together with a bass guitar and drum set to play “St. Louis Blues” in a New Orleans groove style.

My question going in was: how can music, particularly music with no words, serve as a tool for social justice?

Music without words has no inherent meaning; there is no direct, concrete message being giving through the sounds.

After experiencing the concert and reflecting, though, I think that the meaning behind “Symphony for Ferguson” came from the occasion and spirit of its performance.

By occasion and spirit, I mean that those of us in the theater all reflected on what happened in Ferguson, and this collective reflection, through the medium of music, is what gave “Symphony for Ferguson” its meaning beyond mere sounds.

The same goes for the other pieces of music played that night. In another context, Beethovens Eroica symphony may have just been a source of entertainment. But in the context of Tuesday's performance, it was a reflection on freedom and morality.

I had never really thought of music as serving a political purpose. Music for me has always been listening for the joy of listening. But I think that going to this performance has helped me to understand that music can be more than just a pretty picture on a wall. It can have a real purpose: it can aim to change society.

Anyway, I have an interesting side-note about the night: I got to the performance hall early and got a perfect seat right in the middle, the spot with the best acoustics. Some people sat to my right not long after I sat down. Later on, after “Symphony for Ferguson” ended, one of them stood and started applauding the orchestra, and the conductor turned back and gestured towards her: I was sitting next to Barbara Harbach, the composer, the whole time! I hope I didn’t take the seat she wanted…

Worn Thin

what

is it

we hope

to find

along

this narrow

stretch

of dusty road

blinders

cut from

stained glass

holes in

our shoes

their heels

worn thin

I Would Never Have Known

i heard

that today

you'll say goodbye

to your mother

i would never
have known

as you
apologized

inviting me in

to wash my hands

Why Not You

why not

take

your hand

your

naked hand

and

gently brush

it aside

that

which separates

you from you

take

your time

for

patience

is the

greatest of

spiritual virtues

or so

i've heard

why not

take

your place

for you

for

why not you