Meditation Reflection #21

(In response to entry #21 Life is Not a Means to an End from Thich Nhat Hanh's Your True Home)

Sometimes I want to just take Thay's book and words and throw it against the wall... That's not very mindful of me, is it?  It sounds impossible to live the life he speaks of here in the U.S.  I know it is possible in Plum Village, because I've been there. I've lived it and experienced it.  I was present to my life for 6 whole days: learning, making mistakes, smiling, bowing, sitting, washing dishes, and all mindfully.  And it was incredible.  But I don't know how to do that here.  I have such a hard time making happiness the way.  Instead, I search for a way to peace and happiness, and feel lost.  It's easy to say the words, read the words, and think, oh of course, that makes sense, sure wouldn't that be nice.  But it's a whole nother thing to actually figure out how to live the words.

I feel like a lot of life is spent as a means to an end.  You plan out what you want in life, and how you are going to get there.  Goals.  Goals aren't a bad thing to have are they?  Can you have in mind things you want to work towards and accomplish, while still appreciating each moment?  It seems like just accepting everything is a very passive way to live.  But Thay isn't saying to live passively, he's saying to live intentionally, and you have the power to make every moment, every action or non-action, intentional.  Can I work towards a future goal while being aware and fully alive in each step that I take to get there?

I have a difficult time saying the point of life is just to be aware that I am living.  I want to do something meaningful with my life.  If not, what's my purpose?  What's anyone's purpose?  If we all just sat around and breathed and smiled at each other, that would get so boring.  There would be nothing new or creative.  There would be no celebration.  What about art and music and dancing?  What about expressing the full range of emotions including sorrow, and outrage, and fear, and exuberance?  What's so great and desirable about just being calm, wise, practical, slow, and intentional all the time?  I think there's more to being human and the human experience than just floating on a still pond.