I am broken to my core,
Yet I have never woken up feeling so whole.
I am confused about life,
Yet I am left wildly embracing the mystery of it.
I am profusely sweating from every pore of my being,
Yet I am profoundly refreshed to the depths of my soul.
I am in a place where beauty and brokenness co-exist,
Trying to understand my place in all of this,
Trying to touch the sacredness of “this”
I am trying to feel what matters here…
That feeling the presence of Fahima’s prophesying matters
That Karief remembering sight words matter
That Nadia letting go of being shy and shaking it in zumba class matters
That hearing gun shots down the street as “too close” matters
That J.R, Angel and their crew in the mango tree at lunch time matters
That driving Fadda’s truck through potholed lanes with Jaiden, Phil and
Tati matter
That finding peace peering through broken things…gap toothed smiles,
holes in the sidewalk and through open windows matters
And I too want to matter here
But… realizing that I am only one of many matters most of all.
I am trying to understand what this is all about…
About seeing raw humanity beyond homes, clothes and smells
About scooting chairs so that everyone can
come sit at the table
About being governed by courage rather than
fear
About a love that doesn’t condemn
About praying off my knees and praying with
my life
About struggling to keep order in the classroom
About breaking bread and breaking
expectations
About the pulses within, and feeling them
About letting life grasp me
About being sweaty, wiping it off and getting more sweaty
About trying to read the sky when I am
feeling lost
About feeling home in once strange arms
It’s about these fleeting
moments of life here
Its about two years and being
birthed a new each day
It’s about struggling less
and less for the idea of this all, but about more and more for people
It’s not about saving and
doing, but about being and being saved
It’s about being one tiny
factor of all this
And it’s about understanding
that all of this is greater than me
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